There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
