I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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