Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
even my farts smell like vagina
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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