Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
