I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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