just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
