How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
