Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
