I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
