I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
