One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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