If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
