I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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