She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
