i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
