he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
