i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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