ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
