shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
