A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
