Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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