hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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