Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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