it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
