She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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