actually, I'm a sock model
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
