You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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