Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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