I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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