I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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