Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize