and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
