I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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