So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
