So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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