do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
