Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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