My hand turned me down
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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