jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
