do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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