debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
