He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
