I just threw up on my dentist
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
