How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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