beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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