I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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