Screwed.edu
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
