the day after is always just damage control
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
