So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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