Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
