I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
