did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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