What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
