I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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