I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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