So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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