just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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