The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
