i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
