the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
