sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I smell stomach acid.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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