i would punch a child for taco bell
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
