She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
