YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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