ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
