im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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