I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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