You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
