who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
