I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
did i just pee glitter
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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