I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
