Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize