Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
