it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize