So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
